Intentional Obsolescence in Windows?

I have a theory that Microsoft has archetected obsolescence into their OS. They make your computer appear to gradually slow down so you think the computer is old and go out and buy a new one.

I have no proof, but I'm going to rant about it anyway.

Oh, and don't let the picture fool you. This isn't a Linux or MAC fan boy post. It is specifically a Windows Sucks post...


When I get a new computer it is the fastest Windows machine I've ever seen. Click on a folder and BAM! there's the contents of the folder. Or click on a program like Microsoft Word and WHAMO! instantly you're able to start typing...

Six months later after doing little more than surfing the web, sending email, and using MS Office it's slowed down to a crawl. Click on a folder and WAIT! WINDOWS IS THINKING and a few seconds later a window opens and a second after that I can see my files... Or click on a program and DRIVE TO STARBUCKS FOR A COFFEE BECAUSE WINDOWS IS CHECKING WITH MARS VIA SMOKE SIGNALS TO SEE HOW LONG TO PAUSE BEFORE OPENING A BLANK DOCUMENT and then when the message gets back from Mars that now would be good, my coffee is cold and I can start typing...

I've de-fragmented, cleared temp files, removed every possible extra memory resident application, and rebooted... No Change... In fact if I wait till the 1 year mark the computer becomes a high powered paper weight with a donkey-esque attitude.

But if I reinstall Windows it flies just like the first day I got it...

And computer's don't just get tired. I've used Gentoo and Ubuntu Linux for years and they don't slow down. And my MAC is a year old and it's as spry as the day I got it.

I'm about at that year mark with my current Windows machine. It's called a Mobile Graphics Work Station. It's the sort of machine one would use to render Jurassic Park and I'm a bit surprised they didn't put the word YANG right in the machine's title.

After a year of running Windows XP, my Mobile-YANG-Graphics-YANG-YANG-Work -YANG-YANG-YANG-Station takes 3x longer to boot than my completely YANG-LESS XO laptop. So very sad...

This afternoon I clicked on My Documents and opened Internet Explorer while I was waiting... Seconds passed... Windows was considering responding to my request and I was getting tired of waiting for the YANG to kick in.

I had Task Manager open so I looked to see if anything was hogging the CPU or eating up memory...
  • 97% System Idle (Read: my computer is doing nothing)
  • over a Gig of Ram free (Read: my computer has more unused memory than your computer)
  • the hard-drive is only 6 % fragmented (Read: I'm a big geek.)
What the $#@& is slowing this machine down?

I've decided that Microsoft is.

They made windows so that it slows down to make us think our computers are old and decrepit... So we go out and buy a new one and Cha-Ching Microsoft sells another copy of its OS and maybe their office suite...

And in the mean time I spend a large portion of my day waiting for a computer that is at least a 1000x faster than the one they used to go to the moon!

I want my Jurassic Park rendering YANG back you cheesy headed electric donkey bottom biters!

Huh... I actually feel better...



No facts were checked in the writing of this post.